LOTR: The Return of the King movie review

I do apologize for the delay in getting this review out, m'dears.  I got busy with school and such, and then - hurrah! - Dad let me create my own little blog:)  But regardless, I have returned, to inundate you with more of my entertaining opinions on this trilogy:)

 The last installment opens with the tragic account of how Sméagol morphed into Gollum.  I have not seen that entire thing, since apparently he gets slightly creepy, and as y’all know, I get scared easily.  I have now, however, watched both Shelob and the green ghost army.  I’ll get to them. 

I think that for this last review of the LOTR trilogy I shall only go over certain parts, like those of the utmost importance, or those that I especially like or dislike:)  So here goes.

Pippin's curiosity regarding Saruman's palantir leads to trouble - but as we all know, curiosity often does;)  Gandalf sets out for Gondor to warn that creep Denethor that he suspects Sauron plans to attack the White City, and takes Pippin with him, much to his and Merry's dismay.  I love that little bit between them - "But - we'll see each other again soon, won't we?"  "I don't know, I don't know what's going to happen."  "Merry -"  "Run, Shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste."  "Merry!"  So bittersweet:(  

Soon thereafter, I believe, we see Arwen journeying towards the Gray Havens.  Her father has, you see, convinced her that she should travel to Valinor.  But on the way, she has a vision - she sees the child she would have if she stayed behind with Aragorn.  And her dress is absolutely gorgeous - but then, practically all of her dresses are lovely.  Anywho, back on track.  She gallops back to Rivendell to her father, and I love the ensuing scenes.  Liv Tyler's voice is really cool - like, really.  She persuades her father to reforge Narsil.  And she calls him "Adda."  It's adorable!:)  

Then Pippin lights the beacons, at Gandalf's command, and when the beacon closest to Rohan starts to blaze, I just find it kind of adorable how Aragorn leaps to his feet and goes tearing up to the palace to inform Theoden:)  Bless his heart, he cares a lot about Gondor:)

Ugh.  Then Denethor does what he's best at - being a jerk to Faramir.  "Ever you desire to appear lordly and gracious, as a king of old."  Pardon me, but what exactly are you trying to do, wearing a bathrobe, holding a scepter, and using phrases like, "unless at the utmost end of need"?  Sorry.  I know that wasn't entirely fair, but I must be allowed to defend Faramir against the charges laid at his door;)  

I also love the scene with Pippin and Faramir.  It's so cute:)  I do disagree with some of their lines, though:  "What service can a hobbit offer such a great lord of men?"  "Great lord of men"?  Huh-uh.  Denethor's not a great lord of men, Pippin dear.  "They were so alike, he and my father.  Proud, stubborn even - but strong."  Much as I hate to disagree with you, Faramir, Boromir - yes.  Denethor - not so much.  All right, all right, I should stop bashing Denethor so much.  'Twill be difficult, but I shall try to curb my tongue and say only that which is necessary - actually, no, never mind, that won't work out, 'cause you see, the very next scene, Denethor acts up again: 

Faramir:  "You wish now that our places had been exchanged.  That I had died and Boromir had lived."  Denethor:  "Yes.  I wish that."

Whereupon I must restrain my very great urge to pause the movie and take a sledgehammer to Denethor's face.  Because just look at Faramir's face, people (and this picture doesn't even do it justice, but it was the best I found):

I officially HATE Denethor in every sense of the word.  (Sort of.  Pretty much.  Anywho.)   

After that, Gollum tricks Frodo into thinking that Sam is going to turn on him, thereby prompting Frodo to leave Sam behind.  Sigh.  

Off go Faramir and his troops, at the whim of an overwhelmingly stupid steward who has sentenced them all to sudden, instant, and even immediate DEATH!!!  Sorry.  Couldn't resist:)

I think it is at this point that we return to Aragorn and his people.  Elrond visits Aragorn, informs him that Arwen is dying, and urges him to "put aside the Ranger.  Become who you were born to be."  Ooohhhh.  That's epic:)  So Aragorn prepares to find undead traitors to help him defend his city.  Glory be.  Eowyn tries to stop him, and is told as gently as possible that Aragorn "cannot give her what she seeks."  Poor Eowyn.  Don't worry, you'll get over it, and Faramir's so much better for you anyway.  You belong with Faramir, and Arwen belongs with Aragorn:)  Good, that's settled.  

So anywho, moving right along...Aragorn finds the dead people, with the assistance of Legolas and Gimli - and I've got to say, now that I've watched them, that they are rather revolting.  Them and the dead people in the marshes during the second movie - they're probably the creepiest things in the trilogy, to me.  

And we're back with Gollum and Frodo!  Gollum informs Frodo that the only way is to go into the scary tunnel, so in Frodo goes.  And he meets a lovely character by the name of Shelob.  Yes, she's scary too, but I guess once you get used to her, she's not that bad.  She's just a hideously overgrown arachnid.  With freaky teeth.  And an equally freaky stinger.  But then - Sam to the rescue!!  Go Sam!!

Denethor goes insane, by the way, which isn't the greatest tragedy in the world, but - ahem, moving on.  So anywho, eventually we get to the epic battle of the Pelennor Fields.  And the green ghost army help Aragorn out, after which he graciously lets them die.  How kind.  And Legolas brings down an entire elephant single-handedly, but "that still only counts as one!"  

Theoden dies :( and then - GASP - Emily, it's the "Epic No" part!!:)  Really, it's not that big of a deal, it's just that Eomer sees Eowyn lying on the battlefield, looking dead, and he just lets out this really well-done kind of, well, roar of "NOOOOOOOOOO!"  And I just find it epic.  Ahem, yes, now, some of you know, I had originally missed the part where we find out that Eomer and Eowyn are brother and sister, and I, um, sort of thought that Eomer liked Eowyn, you know, and that's why I was rather alarmed when Faramir started - sorry.  Side note.    

*Shriek of joy*  It's the best scene in the whole trilogy!!  Argh!!  Literally, it's actually called "The Captain and the White Lady."  I love it!!  

Seriously, those of you who haven't seen the extended edition, I do pity you.  This is an awesome scene, it's all of (about) 45 seconds long, and they cut it out for the theatrical version.  How could you, Peter Jackson?!  And furthermore, I've even heard that they originally filmed a wedding scene for Eowyn and Faramir, and they deleted it.  Like, completely.  It's nowhere to be found, not in the extended edition, not in any special features, nowhere.  Sigh, anyway.  BEST.  SCENE.  EVER!!!

So now we come to the climatic final scenes of the trilogy.  The whole army of "good guys" rally forth to meet the whole army of "bad guys" in the best final battle ever.  And Frodo and Sam make a last, desperate effort to get the Ring to Mount Doom and destroy it.  "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!"  *Everyone wipes tears from their eyes at Sam's total awesomeness.*  And then they play a variation of the credit song, "Into the West," and it's amazing.  Oh, yes, the music for this trilogy is stunning.  I highly approve.  Seriously, I don't think they could possibly have made better choices.  Frodo allows the Ring to take control of him, but then Gollum comes in and  *ew* bites off part of his finger to kidnap what Frodo has rightfully stolen get the Ring back.  So in a way, we're kind of indebted to Gollum, because if he hadn't come along, Frodo would probably have been hopelessly lost to darkness.  But finally both Gollum and the Ring are destroyed.  Sauron's fortress crumbles.  Darkness has lost.  It's beautiful.  *Ecstatic sigh of contentment*  And now "it's over.  It's done." ;)  Sam mourns never getting to see Rosie again.  And I love the quote Frodo delivers as he tries to comfort Sam:  "I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee - here at the end of all things."  But it ISN'T the end of all things, because Gandalf comes riding in on an eagle and carries Frodo and Sam away.  Back to - wherever it was we next see them.  There the Fellowship (minus Boromir *sniffle*) is reunited.  It's all just so beautiful:) 

Ooh, ooh, and then Aragorn is crowned King of Gondor.  And then...wait for it...   

Daaawwwwwwww:')  It's so sweet!!  

The hobbits return to the unscathed Shire, peaceful as always, and Sam marries Rosie:)  

And now the end.  The incredible, emotional ending to what is probably the best film saga ever made.  The way this trilogy affects me is just plain weird.  It's like you're left with this strange, wistful, almost yearning feeling.  I don't understand it, but oh well.  I don't understand many things:)  Anyway, Sam, Merry, and Pippin must face the fact that Frodo has to go to Valinor.  Without them.  And he won't be coming back.  Gah.  It's amazing, but I must admit not the kind of ending I generally like in a movie.  Nevertheless, it fits this trilogy spectacularly.  

 The long and short of it, peoples, is that Lord of the Rings is amazing and I don't think I did it justice in that review at all.  But then, I really just set out to explain my personal opinions on it, so...Now come the days of the King!  May they be blessed.