Lovely Blog Party | My "Type," as Represented by Fictional Men

To my great delight, Cordy has decided to bring her Lovely Blog Party back for another year, and you know what that means:  couples and sissy stuff and romance galore on ye olde Rivendell. 

Admittedly, I don't expect to contribute as many posts this year as I ordinarily would.  Blogging can still be extremely draining for me at the moment (I mean, rewarding, but draining), and it's been difficult to get pieces put together on a timely basis.  However, something is better than nothing, and I have what I hope will be an entertaining post for you today.

You see, I'm finally doing it, mes amis.  I am giving the people what they want this Valentine's Day season. 😂  Which is to say, I am finally dedicating a full blog post to answering that juiciest, most tantalizing, most ubiquitous of questions:  

Who are your fictional "dream guys"?

I had already been thinking about making a post on this topic, but I was somewhat reluctant to do so, because, let's be real:

However, I was finally motivated to grasp the proverbial nettle and just write the stupid thing after a few Instagram games and polls revealed that, despite my personal reticence, some of you are in fact interested in seeing me ruthlessly expose myself on a public Internet forum. 😁  The people have spoken, and never let it be said of me that I was backward in coming forward when obeying the will of the people.

(But honestly, the things I do for you all.)

  

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This post was initially inspired by different conversations that I've had over the years with various friends, as we've commiserated over our favorite fictional stories, romances, heroes, etc. and shared our own "real-life" hopes and dreams and priorities for the future. Naturally, these conversations have often taken a detour towards the Romantic Front sooner or later, and they've usually culminated in my friends asking me something along the lines of, "So, Olivia, we've talked about some of the things I want in a guy, and which fictional characters represent those ideals — but what about you?  We've never really talked about what you are looking for in a guy or which fictional heroes best represent your 'dream guy'."

Most of my friends (and most of my followers) know which fictional men are my favorites, but they don't necessarily know which fictional men resemble what I would actually like in a real romantic partner.  (If you're wondering, yes, they're two entirely different groups.)  I've never been able to very successfully articulate to anyone which characteristics I would want in a potential Gentleman Friend of Significance, nor which fictional men best embody those characteristics, for one very simple reason:  I don't know.  I'm not being coy when I say that; I simply don't.  I don't have a very specific idea of what I'd like in a guy if I ever were to have one, nor have I ever been able to pinpoint many fictional examples thereof, even to myself.

For one thing, it simply doesn't occur to me to think about the concept when I'm experiencing a story for the first time (or for the second or third or fourth time).  "Is this the kind of guy I would want to marry someday?" isn't a thought that comes into my brain when I'm reading or watching a male character, no matter how dearly I may love that character, his love life within the story, etc.  It's just not.  It's not like I deliberately try not to consider the question; it's just that I . . . don't.  It doesn't come naturally to me to do so.  Fictional characters — whether my own or someone else's — never "leap off the page" for me.  I really don't get fictional "crushes," and I never experience the desire to "escape" into a story in the sense of wishing that I could literally enter it, so my brain usually isn't capable of imagining fictional characters as literal flesh-and-blood people in any personally significant way.  Thus, the concept of which fictional guys I would marry if they were real is essentially null and void for me.

For another thing, I am the singlest of single pringles and I have no expectation that that will change any time soon (if ever). 😂  Imagining myself in an actual romantic relationship feels weird and inorganic to me, to be honest.  I can't see it.  

actual footage of how I would react if anyone ever expressed romantic interest in me 😂

That said, while I don't know that I even want a romantic relationship, I don't necessarily not want one, either.  I have a lot of conflicting and ambivalent feelings on the subject, which are complicated by a multitude of factors.  For now, suffice it to say that, since I don't foresee myself entering one in any case, I haven't thought that much about what I would and wouldn't like out of such a relationship, at least in terms of specific personality traits that my prospective significant other would possess. 

However!  Over time, as I've scrambled to come up with something to contribute to these conversations, I've gradually been able to identify a (very small, mind you) handful of fictional guys who more or less embody the personality type(s) that I think I would like/would find compatible if I were — hypothetically — to be considering a romantic partnership.

These fine fictional lads are my best approximation of what I imagine that I would go for in real life, always acknowledging that I have no real idea.  You feel me?  It's an "if I had to choose to answer the question" type of scenario.  

So.  For what it's worth and because you seemed curious, here they are.  The fictional men I might marry if they were real.

*shoves them awkwardly across the table at you*  

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✥ Jim McKay ✥

The Big Country (1958)

Jim is quiet and thoughtful, but not necessarily shy, which would be a good fit for me because I've gradually come to the conclusion that I don't want a guy who's more reserved or introverted than I am.  [I can't see myself working well with anyone mega-extroverted, either (although, who knows — I'm told opposites attract), but someone with a social bandwidth that's more or less the same as mine could be helpful.]  

What I love most about Jim, however, is the way that he responds to challenges — and, more specifically, the way that that in itself challenges gender norms.  As a white man trying to stake a claim in the American West, Jim is expected to be brash, dominant, and more than a little pugilistic.  It's considered his Job™ to view other men as financial and sexual rivals, to take every challenge they issue as an insult to his honor, and to respond accordingly — usually by shooting first and asking questions later.  If he doesn't turn to violence as a first resort, he'll be written off as a lily-livered coward.

But Jim is having none of that.  As an "outsider" to Western culture, he has the benefit of objectivity.  He can examine its social mores arbitrarily, and that allows him to view those pitiable ideas for what they are:  puerile and pathetic, the essence of fragile and toxic masculinity.  As a former naval captain, Jim knows his own mettle, but he doesn't need anyone else to know it.  Jim has nothing to prove to anyone.  He's got all the strength, intelligence, and courage that any man could ever need, but his skin is not so embarrassingly thin that he feels the need to start actual fistfights with every insecure idiot who tries to goad him into one. 

"A 'coward' — why don't you say it?  Are you afraid of the word?  I'm not.  But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to prove how brave I am."

Jim is not reactive.  He's not combative or hot-blooded or temperamental, and that — in any context, but especially in the context of a Western — is incredibly refreshing and attractive to me.  I like a man who's sufficiently comfortable and confident in his own manhood that he can meet a challenge to it with a shrug and a smile.  

Look at Jim's body language here.  Relaxed, receptive, attentive.  No tension, no competitiveness, no aggression. 
Nothing to prove, no hidden agenda, just an interest in listening to and getting to know another person.

And that's exactly what Jim does.  He knows who he is and what he values, and he's able to follow the dictates of his conscience without making a production of it.  He has too much common sense to confuse violence with victory.  He's not a pacifist; he simply understands that the only person who would consider resolving insignificant disputes with gunplay would be someone with the mental capacity and emotional maturity of a pubescent child. 

He's not overly protective in the obnoxious, stupid, essentially possessive way that the majority of fictional men are when they're specifically written to be protective, but he's quick to defend those who are in actual danger.  (One of my favorite examples of this is when he goes to rescue Julie from the Hannassey clan.  He's not fooled for a second when she lies about being there voluntarily in order to protect him, but he never loses his cool.  He simply eyes her quietly for a moment, gauging the situation, and then states calmly to her captors, "I'm not leaving here without her."  In other words, he says, "We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way, but if you want to keep her, you'll have to go through me first.")

quality content

Jim recognizes the value of those society seeks to discredit and dismiss.  He's experienced and capable, but he doesn't allow that to make him arrogant or unteachable.  He's easygoing, affable, steady, philosophical, and mature.  He has a good sense of humor and an even better sense of integrity, and I respect him very much — all of which, I think, makes him a good example of what I could, in theory, like in a potential partner.

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✥ Don Pedro ✥

Much Ado About Nothing (1993)

Washington's take on Don Pedro is possibly the only fictional man ever to almost immediately make me think, "Wow, that — that is the kind of personality I would want in a guy."  Almost as soon as we started getting to know his character, I thought, "This is the one I can point to whenever someone next asks me that question."  And I couldn't even pinpoint why, exactly.  Even now, he's miles away from making it onto any of my "favorite heroes" lists, but still, something just clicked.  I somehow had more clarity on the question than I ever had before.  I could see myself working well with someone of a very similar personality to this character, and the concept made personal sense to me for arguably the first time. 

I think the primary reason I'm so drawn to Don Pedro is that he's such a perfect blend of charisma and character.   He's charming and witty and playful, but he's also intelligent and faithful and circumspect.  There's such an exuberance and zest for life and laughter there, but there is also an underlying strength and gravity.  Don Pedro is the (rare) kind of impish and mischievous that delights rather than annoys me, but he has grit, too.  He never makes light of what should be taken seriously, and he knows how to appreciate the merit in others beyond their ability to entertain him.  I would have so much good, old-fashioned fun with this kind of guy, but I imagine that I would also feel safe and understood and valued with him.  And that, in my opinion, is no small consideration.  

Now, granted, my enthusiasm for this Don Pedro only makes me all the more disappointed in his behavior circa the Hero debacle.  Stern Words and Genuine Repentance are in order, but that's the thing:  my ability to recognize Don Pedro's lapse in integrity also allows me to recognize the existence of that integrity in the first place.  I still like and root for him even after seeing him commit a pretty serious mistake, and I still have faith that he can learn from that mistake, which in and of itself is a pretty compelling reason for me to place him in my "would marry" tier.

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✥ Daniel Sousa ✥

Agent Carter (ABC)

To be honest, I don't even know that Daniel really belongs on this list, because my predominant thought when watching him is usually just, "Wow, this is a precious angel human who is literally flawless and we must all Protect™ him at all costs."  I don't necessarily think about how much I'd like a guy like him in real life, I think about what an adorable cinnamon roll he is and how much I love him as a character, if that makes sense.

Additionally, since we basically only see him in connection with massive government plots to overthrow the world order, it's harder for me to think about him in a normal, everyday, non-crisis context, which is what I need to be able to do in order to gauge whether a character represents the kind of personality with which I could be compatible in a real romantic relationship.  As I said earlier, my brain doesn't naturally separate fictional characters from their fictional stories, so trying to imagine how a particular character's personality would look on a hypothetical human man is already difficult for me.  It goes without saying, then, that I have a hard time trying to translate a character who is primarily concerned with life-or-death situations into a potential romantic partner for me, in my life.

Still, if I do examine Daniel's general personality and character traits as removed from the plot of his story, I can recognize that, yes, they're the sort that would be attractive to me in real life.  He's conscientious, hard-working, courageous, intelligent, kind.  He faces setbacks with honesty and humor instead of bitterness and despair.  He's loyal, but he isn't blinded by or enslaved to his loyalty.  He doesn't allow it to cloud his judgment or override his conscience.  (He is 10,000 times the man Steve Rogers could ever even conceive of being, is the moral of the story. *cough*)  At the same time, though, he sees the best in other people and is willing to give them second and third and fourth chances, because he knows that people can change and should be given the opportunity to do so.  He stands up for what he believes in, and steps in to defend the mistreated.  He's serious and sweet, but can also be the Sassiest of li'l Sassmasters — which is, essentially, exactly what I'd like in a guy.

He is an adorable treasure, basically, and we should all take notes. ♥ 

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Welp, that's all I've got for now.  Hope you all enjoyed my discomfort. 😅

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Your turn:

Who are your fictional dream guys?

how I feel after writing this post