What have I ever done for You--truly? When have I ever given out of a sincere desire to give to You, or blessed out of a sincere desire to bless You? When have I sincerely sat at Your feet to drink You in, to hear what You are thinking and feeling? When have I ever surrendered without holding back the hope--more, the expectation--that You won't really require the sacrifice, that a ram will be provided in place of my Isaac, too?
"Be rich in good deeds…" In Real Terms, I won't even begin to scratch the smallest crumb from the outermost crust of ever approaching "deserving" or "repaying" my eternal debt. But in human terms, I can do my best, my absolute and utter best, to try. It will be less--infinitely, helplessly less--than the most infinitesimal micro-atom on the tiniest grain of sand, buried fathomless strata below all the oceans in the universe…but it will be my all. The only thing which is mine--and even that is mine only because God relinquished to me His right to it--I can give to Him. A pitiful offering, but the one He has requested: my life, wound tightly around my secret-garden heart. (A beautifully curious Deity, this Messiah.)
"Do you want it?"
-- You know that I do.
"Will You take it?"
-- I will.
"Will You keep it safe?"
-- Not in the way you wish, probably, but it will be in My hands--is there any safer place?
Is there any safer place? Drop it to safety, quickly, before the insanity of your attempts to reconcile yourself to letting loose the only thing over which you have a real and fearsome, fearsome "control" snatch it away to irreversible peril. Don't think--trust.
I drop it, Lord--I drop the heart, because I know Whose nail-scarred hands are infallibly there to catch it…and if You have to rub off some dusty grime that I mistook for gold, that will be all right. Surrender is only letting You safeguard something I hold very dear and precious, knowing that I may be mistaken in its worth, and knowing that You provide all I truly need--that You are all I truly need.
I drop the heavy, rusty heart, and as it falls it turns into shimmering glass.
"Burst into songs of joy together, you ruins of Jerusalem, for the Lord has comforted His people, He has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord will lay bare His holy arm in the sight of all the nations, and all the ends of the earth will see the salvation of our God."
~ Isaiah 52:9-10 ~