15 Reasons to NOT Watch BBC
Have you heard of it? It's called . . . *ominous music* . . .
This is serious stuff, folks. The BBC is a terrible corporation out to profit from the hearts-blood of innocent adolescent girls. If you value your emotional stability, your sanity, your reputation, your ability to function in day-to-day life, and your independence, STAY. AWAY. FROM. THE. BBC. I'll even give you fifteen reasons why.
#1. It takes a sick satisfaction in making sure that there's always at least one death, and rarely has it ever been content with that.
#2. It's ridiculously prolific. As if one or two destructive television shows weren't enough, it has to go and deluge us with multiple shows AND multiple movies, miniseries, etc. So discourteous.
#3. It likes to lull you into a false sense of security, thinking that you don't like a new love interest for another character, and then all of a sudden the relationship is threatened and you forget how you're supposed to do that breathing thing. I speak from experience.
#4. It birthed the show Robin Hood. I still have not fully recovered from this show, and it's been -- *checks date of S3 review* -- coming up on two years. TWO. YEARS. It tore my little heart all to pieces and then put it back together and then tore it up again and on and on the cycle went. IT IS AWFUL.
#5. If the Dickens book isn't creepy, the creators will find a way to make it creepy. And if the book's a little creepy, they'll make sure you don't sleep for a week after watching the movie.
#6. Does it care that you're a human being with a heart and basic humane tendencies? No. No, it does not. Couldn't care less, as a matter of fact.
#7. It manipulates you into rooting for bigamy. I don't even know what else can be said on that.
#8. It makes you fall in love with terrible human beings who make awful choices that hurt other people but who don't even care because they think they know everything and they're repulsive and arrogant out the whazoo but you basically come to adore them devotedly. (What? I'm not bitter, just stating facts.)
#9. IT HAS WAY TOO MANY UNBELIEVABLY LOVABLE AND GRIPPING OTPS. Like how am I even supposed to know how to handle life with this surplus of precious love stories going on? And also why can't any of them ever have a smooth ride??
#10. Even if you don't like the characters . . . you like the characters.
#11. It'll deal with one particular topic for a lot of the show/movie/whatever, which will then trick you into thinking that you know a lot about that particular topic, when in actuality you know very little. (Like midwifery.)
#12. One of its greatest dangers is that it will alternate between heart-bursting happiness and gut-wrenching pain and IT WON'T GIVE YOU ANY WARNING BETWEEN CHANGES. So at times you start to think, "Oh, maybe the worst is over. This is really feelsy but in a good way, so p'raps it's okay now." IT IS A DECEPTION, FRIENDS.
#13. You don't even have to have seen the show in question for a fandom picture from Pinterest to stab you in the feels.
#14. It inundates you with all these awesome role models, and how can you possibly hope to imitate them all??
#15. Basically, it's just best to stay away from it. Because it will destroy you. On multiple levels.