"C.K. Dexter Haven, you have unsuspected depth!"

(I had no idea how to title this post, nor how it'd turn out, so bear with me.)

You all know those days, I'm sure, when you're just…oh, how shall we put it--not exactly feeling the greatest of kinships with Pollyanna?  Days when something that's been going on in your life is just weighing you down and making you weepy and poor-poor-pitiful-me-ish?  I've been having a couple of those days recently.  I've been in a bit of a "funk" off and on, one moment happy and contented, and the next subdued and heartsick (Well, you're an adolescent girl, Olivia.  Duh).

I don't want this to be a downer post, so I just wanted to share random rambling thoughts that have come to me as I've tried to deal with these sorts of days over the years (wise and learned sage that I am!).  

There's a very complicated familial situation going on, and I have to fight to keep resentment and self-pity from having their way with me.  Sometimes it's not so hard, and sometimes it feels like I'm Sam, trying to carry another person up flippin' Mount Doom.  And I've been realizing, through talking with the Lord and analyzing my thoughts and discussing it with my mother, that I have a deep-seated misconception about life, a misconception most of us have probably entertained at one time or another--the idea that my life should be fair.  

Ha.  

Life is not fair.  It's never claimed to be fair, and perhaps it's never even been meant to be fair while we're on this earth.  (William Goldman put this much more eloquently than I can in The Princess Bride, so there's another reason you should read that book.)  And when you hear that phrase, "life's not fair," it seems easy to accept as a no-brainer in the moment.  But then Stuff Happens.  You hear about terror in the Middle East, of human trafficking in your own state, and your family life is turning out to be much harder than you ever supposed it could be.  People make demands on your time, on your heart, on your mind, on your faith…and some little voice deep in your chest, half buried by your good intentions and your life lessons and all the healing the Lord has done in you, begins a muffled scream:  "This isn't fair."  And despite all your efforts, some days the voice reaches such a decibel that it seems to veritably force its way out of your better nature and raises a storm of emotions.  That's when we have to realize something, have to tell it to ourselves over and over until we understand that this just might be the way it has to be:  Life isn't fair.  Life. Is Not. Fair.  

But.

It is amazing.

I know we've all heard it a thousand times in various forms, but our lives can be beautiful regardless of what is going on in them.  There are some things that are up to you.  You can take control of your emotions.  Of course, one shouldn't stifle them, heavens no, but there is a battle being waged daily for our minds and hearts, and with God we will gain the victory.  

One of the greatest tonics for me when I'm "having a bad day" is to go outside and just be.  I live nestled in a valley of such beauty that at times my heart aches with it.  (Countrysides are gorgeous things that should be treasured and preserved and appreciated.)  Few sights fill me with such joy and peace as sunlight glancing through the leaves and spreading onto the grass.  That's why the hours right before dusk are my favorite times of day--late afternoon.  My word, what a paradise.  In the time between 4:45 and 7 o'clock (at this time of year, where I live), even just sitting outside and gazing at the beauty of the light contrasting with the shadows renews my calm and refocuses my thoughts.  Sometimes, the Savior whispers:  "Come take a walk with Me.  Down the hill to the road, and We can talk.  The road falling away beyond the fence towards your neighbor's farm, the wind gently stirring the wild grasses and flowers down by the creek, and the meadows rolling tranquilly as far as your eye can see--let the simple beauty wash you with My love, and remind you that there are some things that can never be taken from you."  Other days I feel a tug just to sit on our makeshift swing and let the security of God's nature ground me again.  (Of course, this endeavor is helped if one is finishing a book throbbing with Life while one sits…coughcoughALanternInHerHandcoughcough.  There's nothing like reading of the struggles and triumphs of another human life for calming the old nerves.)

Just let go.  Just let your mind wander to good places--if your heart belongs to the rustling, flaxen grandeur of the prairie, travel West, young mind.  If you're uplifted into the robins-egg blue vault of sky, soar.  If awe overtakes you at the untamable, mystical ocean, swim away.  And through it all, allow the Lord to whisper His words of healing into your life.  Be honest with Him.  He knows when you feel wronged by circumstance, and He will draw near to you if you draw near to Him.  

Also, just to make y'all jealous, hehe, I'm going to see Cinderella for the second time in a theater tonight.  SQUEEEE I GET TO SEE CINDERELLA AGAIN.  I'm really excited, as you might be able to surmise:D  Thusly, in addition to all the piffle I just spouted out, have courage and be kind.